A Christian Response to Childhood Sexual Abuse

©2002 Kimberly Hartfield

Sexual abuse of a child is considered to be any inappropriate exposing of a child to sexual behavior by anyone who has influence on the child, in order to erotically arouse that person, without concern for its effects on the child. The abuser must always be held accountable when abuse occurs, because of his or her obvious awareness of sexuality. No child can emotionally contend with this kind of abuse. Even a child who is too young to know that the abuse is wrong will likely develop problems from the inability to cope with this type of stimulation. Sexually abused children often mentally withdraw from a conscious awareness of the abuse. The victim may have unclear memories, but certain experiences may evoke intense feelings of guilt, fear, and anguish. The victim almost always feels that “Something is wrong with me,” and that the abuse is somehow “my fault.” In a child’s eyes, the exposure and consequences of telling may be worse than the abuse itself. Sexual abuse is clearly a betrayal of the trust of the child, especially when the abuser is related or known to the child. The child often has a pronounced inability to trust, which can prohibit revealing the abuse for years.

The first step in recovery is for the abused person to recognize the violation and to tell the secret. A positive response to a person's divulgence of sexual abuse is critical to the victim’s ability to recover from the ordeal. A compassionate response is vital to re-establishing trust and aiding the victim. Christians must never trivialize abuse, blame the victim, or tell the victim to keep the abuse secret. One should seek counsel for the victim, and often for his or her family members. The emotional damage of childhood sexual abuse can be devastating to the victim and his or her family. The victim often develops distressing feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. The effects of C.S.A. include poor self-esteem, fear, depression, anger, suicidal behaviors, inappropriate sexual behavior, sexual disorders, tendency toward substance abuse, eating disorders, difficulty with relationships, and a tendency toward developing dysfunctional or abusive relationships. Victims may later become abusers, or may be further victimized. Victims commonly experience sexual guilt. Since sexuality is integral to the total person, abuse inevitably affects one’s total self-concept. Childhood sexual abuse interferes with the development of attitudes toward self, sexuality, and close relationships. It is imperative that victims receive support and assurance that it is not any fault of their own.

Where prevention is concerned, parents should talk to their children often about the difference between good and bad touching, while telling them that they can and must say “no” to any touching or behavior that makes them feel uncomfortable; and that they should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible if inappropriate contact occurs. Parents should explain that showing respect does not always mean doing whatever a person in authority says to do. Parents should never tell children to do whatever an adult may tell them. Parents should also be aware that C.S.A. is not always perpetrated by a stranger or an adult. Sometimes family members and children can be abusers. Children should always be properly supervised, whether in the home or sleeping over at a friend's, relative's, or neighbor's house. Unfortunately, even this cannot ensure a child’s safety. Providing a safe, caring, and open environment where children are able to talk freely, is vital in both the prevention and the resolution of childhood sexual abuse. While children often do not seek help at the time of the abuse, its damaging effects will continue to assault the victim in many areas of the personality until it is properly dealt with.

Telling the secret is one of the most important aspects of the healing process. Once this ground is broken, the seeds of healing can emerge from every survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Christians can help the victim find those seeds of healing and encourage that person to use Godly means of overcoming the abuse and growing into the tree of life that God intended them to be. Taking the fault (self-blame) from the victim and placing that blame on the abuser where it actually belongs, and then forgiving the abuser through the mercy and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ is an integral part of the healing process. Christians must be made aware of the extent of C.S.A. and that many of our sisters and brothers need help in dealing with the conflicts of its aftermath, sometimes long after the abuse has occurred. Those Christians who have experienced C.S.A. and found hope in Jesus should console others with the comfort they have found in God if they are sufficiently healed. Christian survivors can make others aware, not only that they are indeed survivors of the ordeal, but that they can be triumphant in Christ Jesus. Christian comforters should tell other victims that they can be clean from any defilement that they may be feeling and that they can become a new creation in Jesus Christ if they are not yet. Christians who comfort should pray for the victims of C.S.A., while also encouraging them to seek help from a minister or professional counselor in dealing with any unresolved issues.

Christians should also pray for the abusers because many of them were C.S.A. victims themselves. Christians must show the abusers how to seek forgiveness in God’s mercy and know that His judgment is sure for the unrepentant. Statistics say that most abusers never stop abusing, but some Christians believe that they can if they are truly repentant and seek professional help. With God, all things are possible. However, victims should never be coerced into staying in a situation of abuse in the hope that the abuser will change. The abuser may change with the help and healing of Jesus, and the victim may forgive the abuser by the grace of God, but the victim does not have to prove forgiveness by remaining in an atmosphere of unpleasant memories or repeated exposure to abuse. Victims can find true forgiveness for their abusers and experience the grace and healing that goes with it. Usually,this happens after years of a healing process that begins with a safe atmosphere of self-discovery. This environment, along with therapeutic and spiritual counseling from a knowledgeable and compassionate comforter, (whether a professional Christian counselor, pastoral counselor, or survivor of C.S.A.) can facilitate the metamorphosis of the new creation in Christ Jesus that every Christian C.S.A. survivor can become.



*Although Kimberly Hartfield is neither an ordained minister nor a licensed psychologist, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, she hopes that her perspective may be helpful to those coping with childhood sexual abuse or violent sexual assault.

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